Monday, December 28, 2009
The Anger.
Fuck. That is all I want to say to them. FUCK YOU.
Seriously, now everything is my fault? Okay, fine, part of it. BUT NOT ALL OF IT. IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP BITCH. Every single time you tell me that it's my short tempered anger, it's the way I speak to others, blah blah blah. BUT. Have you ever wondered WHO OR WHAT made me angry in the first place?
I fucking told you I have OCPD, AND I've tried to let small things go. I have made SMALL progress to overcome this, but progress is still progress. BUT DID YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT I SAID? DID YOU EVEN BOTHER GOOGLING OR YAHOO-ING THE TERM "OCPD"? NO!
You couldn't care less, you were lazy. You BRUSHED IT OFF LIKE I WAS UTTERING NONSENSE. JUST LIKE HOW I IGNORED MY MESSY TABLE AND REFUSED TO CLEAR IT UP BECAUSE I WAS LAZY. AND WHAT HAPPENED? IT BECAME A BIG BIG BIG MESS, DIDN'T IT?
It's harder to clear it up now, isn't it? A small mess became a big one over time, because it was overlooked as insignificant. And YOU. You were just sitting there, playing your STUPID bubble game, scolded me for using the word "DAMN"? You had NOTHING to do with this. It was between me and her. And you had to open your fucking mouth and scolded me for using the word "DAMN"?!
Tell me, were you protecting your precious love? Because I was crawling up her head and driving her nuts? Talking in THAT TONE OF VOICE which makes everyone pissed? Seriously, that was a DAMN dumb move. Cause it only made me more pissed. I literally ROLLED my eyes. Why do you have to be so extra? Just shut up and play your game.
Seriously, now everything is my fault? Okay, fine, part of it. BUT NOT ALL OF IT. IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP BITCH. Every single time you tell me that it's my short tempered anger, it's the way I speak to others, blah blah blah. BUT. Have you ever wondered WHO OR WHAT made me angry in the first place?
I fucking told you I have OCPD, AND I've tried to let small things go. I have made SMALL progress to overcome this, but progress is still progress. BUT DID YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT I SAID? DID YOU EVEN BOTHER GOOGLING OR YAHOO-ING THE TERM "OCPD"? NO!
You couldn't care less, you were lazy. You BRUSHED IT OFF LIKE I WAS UTTERING NONSENSE. JUST LIKE HOW I IGNORED MY MESSY TABLE AND REFUSED TO CLEAR IT UP BECAUSE I WAS LAZY. AND WHAT HAPPENED? IT BECAME A BIG BIG BIG MESS, DIDN'T IT?
It's harder to clear it up now, isn't it? A small mess became a big one over time, because it was overlooked as insignificant. And YOU. You were just sitting there, playing your STUPID bubble game, scolded me for using the word "DAMN"? You had NOTHING to do with this. It was between me and her. And you had to open your fucking mouth and scolded me for using the word "DAMN"?!
Tell me, were you protecting your precious love? Because I was crawling up her head and driving her nuts? Talking in THAT TONE OF VOICE which makes everyone pissed? Seriously, that was a DAMN dumb move. Cause it only made me more pissed. I literally ROLLED my eyes. Why do you have to be so extra? Just shut up and play your game.
Oh, and one more thing about me, I HATE being proven wrong when I think I'm 100% right. It's just me. I HAVE TRIED to tone it down a bit. Not show or be too angry about it. I really did tried. ( So don't go all "Oh, you have identified the problem but you're not doing anything to change it." I'm not her. I just HATE being proven wrong, as much as I hate myself for being like this. I tried to not be so angry about it. And it works 60% of the time.)
You know, you're always throwing unwanted things away IMMEDIATELY when you feels they're no longer worthy of keeping. So here I am, waiting for the day you look at me, eyes filled with disappointment, and say to him,"Do you still need her? Can I throw her away?". And the moment you see the slightest nod, you will automatically pick me up by the collar and throw me down the rubbish chute. JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER UNWANTED THINGS. I'm waiting for that day.
This is just a phase of my life, I'll get over it soon. But not now. Blah blah blah.
I made her angry, to the point of making her say,"If she hates me that much, just send me home. I want to go home."
I made him angry even though our relationship was getting better.
I made you guys angry, since I was young. Making you guys cry, feel heartbroken, sad, furious. And I feel the same way you both do everytime I calmed down after a fight. I feel that way, because I was thinking of how I made both of you feel all these. I feel guilty, I feel pain, I stress up. But did you ever know? No. Cause, like now, I'm hiding these tears away from you.
It's no wonder how I managed not to cut my wrists after making so many people angry. I'm really tempted by that idea since she has already done that. Why not follow? That's what friends are for anyway, right? I feel fucking shitty everytime I make someone angry because of a stupid reason. But it really is so hard, and maybe too late, to say I'm sorry.
FML.
J.
My sanitywas here ... at 10:06 PM
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Thursday, September 17, 2009
Life is full of rainbows. :)
I wanted to post this in MLIA on Wednesday,"Today, I found a broken tile in one of the classrooms in my school. I thought there might be a whole underneath it and I could travel to Wonderland like Alice did. But my teacher stopped me in time before I could completely remove it from there ground. I guess it's not time for me to go to Wonderland."
But I didn't. Cause I had to create an account, and many other things...(lazy...) And Wednesday was so over... So I can't post it anymore. :( (honesty is the best policy.)
So anyway... Life has been pretty normal today.(Lol, those who read MLIA should know that line), everyday is just sleep, school, eat, homework, Enchan... So boring. :(
You know what...I can't think of anything to write anymore. I think I'm gonna spam on literature. Yes, I'm gonna do that.
So, here's the summary for A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Hermia and Lysander are in love. Typical young lovers, at the age of puberty, raging hormones, immature thinking. Hermia's daddy, Egeus, disapproves of their relationship(typical traditional father), and only gives her daughter two options. Death or marriage to the marriage he approves of, Demetrius, who is infatuated with Hermia.(Ouch, tough luck Hermia.) So now, Hermia and Lysander decides to elope. Then Helena, Hermia's best friend came by. "To [her], [their] minds will unfold" and they told her about their plan to elope. Helena thought it was a good chance to win back Demetrius love(she's CRAZY over this "inconstant and spotted man") so she told him the elopement.And then.....-
Forget it. It's way too long. I'm tired already... When I finish studying the whole book, I'll proudly and patiently continue with the oh so exciting book. Yay...
See ya, don't wanna be ya! XD
Jamie
But I didn't. Cause I had to create an account, and many other things...(lazy...) And Wednesday was so over... So I can't post it anymore. :( (honesty is the best policy.)
So anyway... Life has been pretty normal today.(Lol, those who read MLIA should know that line), everyday is just sleep, school, eat, homework, Enchan... So boring. :(
You know what...I can't think of anything to write anymore. I think I'm gonna spam on literature. Yes, I'm gonna do that.
So, here's the summary for A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Hermia and Lysander are in love. Typical young lovers, at the age of puberty, raging hormones, immature thinking. Hermia's daddy, Egeus, disapproves of their relationship(typical traditional father), and only gives her daughter two options. Death or marriage to the marriage he approves of, Demetrius, who is infatuated with Hermia.(Ouch, tough luck Hermia.) So now, Hermia and Lysander decides to elope. Then Helena, Hermia's best friend came by. "To [her], [their] minds will unfold" and they told her about their plan to elope. Helena thought it was a good chance to win back Demetrius love(she's CRAZY over this "inconstant and spotted man") so she told him the elopement.And then.....-
Forget it. It's way too long. I'm tired already... When I finish studying the whole book, I'll proudly and patiently continue with the oh so exciting book. Yay...
See ya, don't wanna be ya! XD
Jamie
An essay is like a miniskirt. Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting.
Adapted from MLIA. Thanks to Jinghan. ^ ^
My sanitywas here ... at 8:02 PM
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Monday, August 31, 2009
Happy T's Day!
HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!!!!!!! ^^ To all the teachers that have taught me, thank you for your patience and guidance. My present to you is my results for end of year!!!! ^^(If I get really lousy grades, I'm very very sorry...><)
Okay, now back to normal post. I had a BRILLIANT idea when I was in the toilet. I came up with this new game(for myself, you can play it too if you want), but I'm not sure if it already has been invented... Who cares! I was thinking about the "5 facts about me" circulating within Youtube a while back, and the American 'game' called 20 Questions. Then I thought of this! 8D
It's called "First thing..." What you have to do is come up with a question for yourself with "The first thing I do when..."
E.g. The first thing I do when I come home is to kiss Enchan~
It's pretty lame and stupid, but it can be fun when you think of something.....weird.
Like, the first thing I do when I get under the shower is to wash my feet.(yeah, I've been doing that since young to test out the water first before my whole body gets under it.)
3)The first thing I do when I turn on the computer is to visit dreamofdoll.com (What...I was only checking for updates....><)
4)The first thing I do before I sleep is to arrange my bed properly.(My bed has LOTS of stuff toys[4 actually, plus pillows and blosters], so I always arrange them in the same manner EVERY night. OCPD much?)
5)The first thing I do before I start drawing anime is to fold a tiny paper box.(I throw my eraser dust inside so my desk is neater.)
6)The first thing I do when I see Louis everyday is to kiss him on the forehead.(...... It's normal okay!)
7)The first thing I do when I get a new handphone is to check out its games.(If the games suck, I move on to explore other functions. Otherwise, I'll spend the rest of the day playing games.)
8)The first thing I do when I see a romance novel is to read the end of the story.(If the obstacle in the story that threatens the lovers' relationship is boring or dumb, I wouldn't borrow it. And I also NEVER borrow books where there's two timing involved)
9)The first thing I do before I eat is to arrange my plate, soup bowl and cup.(I also arrange where my food should be placed...It's easier to eat that way)
10)The first thing I do when I reach a hotel room is to check out the toilet.(The toilet says it all... If it doesn't have a good lighting, shiny toilet bowl and a good bath tub, I know I wouldn't enjoy my stay...)
11)The first thing I do when I wake up is to remember what day is it and what I'm gonna do next.(My brain starts working immediately when I wake up...)
12)The first thing I do when I read a horror book/mysterious book with a cold-blooded murderer is to find a spot with more people so that I wouldn't be alone.(I'm scared... Especially when they describe how the people are going to get killed...)
These are all the facts I could come up with at the moment. I will continue adding on in the next few posts(I wonder when....), and after I have further observe myself. LOL!
Toodles~
Jamie <3
Okay, now back to normal post. I had a BRILLIANT idea when I was in the toilet. I came up with this new game(for myself, you can play it too if you want), but I'm not sure if it already has been invented... Who cares! I was thinking about the "5 facts about me" circulating within Youtube a while back, and the American 'game' called 20 Questions. Then I thought of this! 8D
It's called "First thing..." What you have to do is come up with a question for yourself with "The first thing I do when..."
E.g. The first thing I do when I come home is to kiss Enchan~
It's pretty lame and stupid, but it can be fun when you think of something.....weird.
Like, the first thing I do when I get under the shower is to wash my feet.(yeah, I've been doing that since young to test out the water first before my whole body gets under it.)
3)The first thing I do when I turn on the computer is to visit dreamofdoll.com (What...I was only checking for updates....><)
4)The first thing I do before I sleep is to arrange my bed properly.(My bed has LOTS of stuff toys[4 actually, plus pillows and blosters], so I always arrange them in the same manner EVERY night. OCPD much?)
5)The first thing I do before I start drawing anime is to fold a tiny paper box.(I throw my eraser dust inside so my desk is neater.)
6)The first thing I do when I see Louis everyday is to kiss him on the forehead.(...... It's normal okay!)
7)The first thing I do when I get a new handphone is to check out its games.(If the games suck, I move on to explore other functions. Otherwise, I'll spend the rest of the day playing games.)
8)The first thing I do when I see a romance novel is to read the end of the story.(If the obstacle in the story that threatens the lovers' relationship is boring or dumb, I wouldn't borrow it. And I also NEVER borrow books where there's two timing involved)
9)The first thing I do before I eat is to arrange my plate, soup bowl and cup.(I also arrange where my food should be placed...It's easier to eat that way)
10)The first thing I do when I reach a hotel room is to check out the toilet.(The toilet says it all... If it doesn't have a good lighting, shiny toilet bowl and a good bath tub, I know I wouldn't enjoy my stay...)
11)The first thing I do when I wake up is to remember what day is it and what I'm gonna do next.(My brain starts working immediately when I wake up...)
12)The first thing I do when I read a horror book/mysterious book with a cold-blooded murderer is to find a spot with more people so that I wouldn't be alone.(I'm scared... Especially when they describe how the people are going to get killed...)
These are all the facts I could come up with at the moment. I will continue adding on in the next few posts(I wonder when....), and after I have further observe myself. LOL!
Toodles~
Jamie <3
My sanitywas here ... at 3:17 PM
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Saturday, August 29, 2009
Gone.
Yay~ I'm finally back! :D Lol, have been SUPER lazy to update this blog. :p
Well. Nothing's changed. Haiz. My life is BOOOOring... Homework and study EVERYDAY. In the end, the results weren't what I expected. I am really disappointed in myself for literature. I actually MISREAD the Qns. I MISREAD IT! HOW STUPID CAN I BEEEEEEEE!!!!! It's like I ALWAYS blank out in tests nowadays. I seriously don't know what to do, and I don't know how to improve. I write like this, too far fetch. I write like that, not in depth enough. I suuuck....
And CCA. Man, it's tiring me OUT. I think about this, I think about that. I keep thinking about what to do for CCA, what's the next step, when's the next meeting, blah blah blah. My head hurts... There's so many things going on. I seriously want it to stop. I want everything to be peaceful like last time. Why can't everyone forgive and forget? I know I'm trying my best to, and I felt like I was successful with it.
But sometimes, there's just so many things to say and I can't find the right listening ear to say all this too. And nobody actually wants it listen. Ha. Heck, I don't even know where to start and what to say. My thoughts are extremely disorganised and all over the place.
Ugh.
I'm just going to sleep it over. And wake up tomorrow morning. Start the day right. Do all that homework. Discipline..............................................
Life is tough, get over it.
Jamie-
Well. Nothing's changed. Haiz. My life is BOOOOring... Homework and study EVERYDAY. In the end, the results weren't what I expected. I am really disappointed in myself for literature. I actually MISREAD the Qns. I MISREAD IT! HOW STUPID CAN I BEEEEEEEE!!!!! It's like I ALWAYS blank out in tests nowadays. I seriously don't know what to do, and I don't know how to improve. I write like this, too far fetch. I write like that, not in depth enough. I suuuck....
And CCA. Man, it's tiring me OUT. I think about this, I think about that. I keep thinking about what to do for CCA, what's the next step, when's the next meeting, blah blah blah. My head hurts... There's so many things going on. I seriously want it to stop. I want everything to be peaceful like last time. Why can't everyone forgive and forget? I know I'm trying my best to, and I felt like I was successful with it.
But sometimes, there's just so many things to say and I can't find the right listening ear to say all this too. And nobody actually wants it listen. Ha. Heck, I don't even know where to start and what to say. My thoughts are extremely disorganised and all over the place.
Ugh.
I'm just going to sleep it over. And wake up tomorrow morning. Start the day right. Do all that homework. Discipline..............................................
Life is tough, get over it.
Jamie-
My sanitywas here ... at 9:48 PM
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Friday, June 19, 2009
Camp Updates!
YAY!~ I'm back from camp! At long last! XD
I went for the KPTT Camp on the 17 of June, which was two days ago. Felt longer than that, though... It was really fun! We got to cook for our Juniors, sleep really late, eat until we're bloated, and played lots of games! ^^ And I found out I can't cook for nuts... D8 The dream of becoming a cook seems impossible... XD And I also realised Pei Wen was a very motherly type figure... Having no maid does have its advantages... Everything was pretty slack for Sec 3s(oops, am I allowed to say this?), but we had to start planning for Arts Festival. 8D Look forward to it! It's gonna be AWEEEEEsome! (I hope...)
When I first arrived in school, people was already asking if I brought Louis along... My one answer to their question, "YOU SIAO AR?" Seriously people, I would not DARE to bring Louis to school. It would be like bringing Enchan to school! And that ain't good either!
Oh, and I am the new PRESIDENT of KPTT! 8D I HAVE FINALLY OUTSHINE MY BROTHER IN ONE ASPECT!!!! YESSSSSSS!!! Lol, but no one in my family gives a damn, since he's in RJC and everything. My dad and mum don't even know what KPTT REALLY do...(=_=)"
Hope I can be a good president. :)
Oh, and when I came home, the first person to greet me was ENCHAN! XD He was sooo happy that I'm home! He was jumping around, licking my hands, smelling my face and pouncing on me. LOL! It's really nice to have a dog, they seem to be the only ones happy that you're home... Makes you really happy and appreciated. XD
I checked my handphone just now, too... I only received two text messages... TWO. That's sooo pathetic...
Argh. Still have lots of homework to do... Haish... Why does time fly so fast nowadays? It used to go so slowly in primary school... I still remember when I was preparing for PSLE... then BAM! I'm already sec 3, preparing for 'O' Levels......D8
Well, I'm too tired to type anymore... Will post Louis' Meeting with SOMEONE! MUAHAHAHA! Aren't you curious???
Tune in next week for Chapter 3: Louis' meeting with Mysterious L!!!! XD
And this is Jamie Quek with you on Jamie's Jargon. Have a nice day and see you next week. *wink*
P.S. ZOMG. ENCHAN JUST WENT UPSTAIRS!!! Remember to tune in next time for more info about it! LOL!
I went for the KPTT Camp on the 17 of June, which was two days ago. Felt longer than that, though... It was really fun! We got to cook for our Juniors, sleep really late, eat until we're bloated, and played lots of games! ^^ And I found out I can't cook for nuts... D8 The dream of becoming a cook seems impossible... XD And I also realised Pei Wen was a very motherly type figure... Having no maid does have its advantages... Everything was pretty slack for Sec 3s(oops, am I allowed to say this?), but we had to start planning for Arts Festival. 8D Look forward to it! It's gonna be AWEEEEEsome! (I hope...)
When I first arrived in school, people was already asking if I brought Louis along... My one answer to their question, "YOU SIAO AR?" Seriously people, I would not DARE to bring Louis to school. It would be like bringing Enchan to school! And that ain't good either!
Oh, and I am the new PRESIDENT of KPTT! 8D I HAVE FINALLY OUTSHINE MY BROTHER IN ONE ASPECT!!!! YESSSSSSS!!! Lol, but no one in my family gives a damn, since he's in RJC and everything. My dad and mum don't even know what KPTT REALLY do...(=_=)"
Hope I can be a good president. :)
Oh, and when I came home, the first person to greet me was ENCHAN! XD He was sooo happy that I'm home! He was jumping around, licking my hands, smelling my face and pouncing on me. LOL! It's really nice to have a dog, they seem to be the only ones happy that you're home... Makes you really happy and appreciated. XD
I checked my handphone just now, too... I only received two text messages... TWO. That's sooo pathetic...
Argh. Still have lots of homework to do... Haish... Why does time fly so fast nowadays? It used to go so slowly in primary school... I still remember when I was preparing for PSLE... then BAM! I'm already sec 3, preparing for 'O' Levels......D8
Well, I'm too tired to type anymore... Will post Louis' Meeting with SOMEONE! MUAHAHAHA! Aren't you curious???
Tune in next week for Chapter 3: Louis' meeting with Mysterious L!!!! XD
And this is Jamie Quek with you on Jamie's Jargon. Have a nice day and see you next week. *wink*
P.S. ZOMG. ENCHAN JUST WENT UPSTAIRS!!! Remember to tune in next time for more info about it! LOL!
My sanitywas here ... at 4:09 PM
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Yetmadness took over 0 times again.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Long to be free.
"Tell me, child. What do you want?"Silence.
"Freedom."
My sanitywas here ... at 8:04 PM
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Monday, May 25, 2009
Chapter 2: Louis and his 1st Car Ride
Yay, finally had the time(and energy, and willingness, and... you get the picture) to update my blog!~ XD Okay, uh...let's talk about...MY RESULTS!
Two words. Under performed.
I really wanted to get top 10 in class... Haiz...
Now, the weather. ( I HAVE to talk about this one....)
It's soooo freaking hot... I've been joking around, telling my friends,"Hey! It's summer in Singapore!" They just ignored me... Am I the only one that finds it funny???
Louis: *Yawns* Apparently... You've never been normal once, anyway... *hugs Zack tightly*
He's interfering again... Argh. Anyway, back to the updates.
I brought Louis on a car ride on Sunday! 8D He LOVES it! He loves the sun, the air con, and best of all... The other people driving past... He seems to be...very interested... Weird...
Louis: Hey! I haven't been out much! You can't blame me for being curious... *pouts*
Argh..so cute... Okay, ON WITH THE PHOTOS! Yeah, I took some! 8D And the lighting this time... Too much sun... Haha! Hope you like it!
Lol, his first car ride! XD His legs immediately bent when I put him in this position, such a poser...
Enjoying the sun and view~ (this was a pretty good pic, compared to the rest... the whole time the car was bumping here and there, it was really difficult to get a good shot.)
It says "Woodlands Ave 12" on the green signboard. XD
He was looking at that car...
And then, all of a sudden, he shakes my finger and points to that car!
I was trying to take his picture, but he kept pointing out of the window.(Please understand that he calls me to see something for no apparent reason, and he says that the thing he saw was really funny...he did that a lot of times during the car ride, and nothing seemed funny to me... so I didn't bother about him when he shook me again...)
I tried to get a shot of what he was looking at(finally, lol). But couldn't catch it. Apparently, it was some old fat guy, who was balding, was driving a car... (refer to pic #04) He thought it was funny... D8
Omake shots~ :
He was standing like that the whole time~ XD
He waves bye bye~ (sorry for lousy shot, car and parents were not cooperating...)
And if you were wondering who Zack was, he is a stuff toy I bought from some foreign airport... I forgot where. Louis loves that stuff toy to death and hardly let goes of it... (he let it go during the car ride cause he was too excited. LOL)
Well, that's all for now~
Cheerio,
Jamie♥
Two words. Under performed.
I really wanted to get top 10 in class... Haiz...
Now, the weather. ( I HAVE to talk about this one....)
It's soooo freaking hot... I've been joking around, telling my friends,"Hey! It's summer in Singapore!" They just ignored me... Am I the only one that finds it funny???
Louis: *Yawns* Apparently... You've never been normal once, anyway... *hugs Zack tightly*
He's interfering again... Argh. Anyway, back to the updates.
I brought Louis on a car ride on Sunday! 8D He LOVES it! He loves the sun, the air con, and best of all... The other people driving past... He seems to be...very interested... Weird...
Louis: Hey! I haven't been out much! You can't blame me for being curious... *pouts*
Argh..so cute... Okay, ON WITH THE PHOTOS! Yeah, I took some! 8D And the lighting this time... Too much sun... Haha! Hope you like it!
Lol, his first car ride! XD His legs immediately bent when I put him in this position, such a poser...
Enjoying the sun and view~ (this was a pretty good pic, compared to the rest... the whole time the car was bumping here and there, it was really difficult to get a good shot.)
It says "Woodlands Ave 12" on the green signboard. XD
He was looking at that car...
And then, all of a sudden, he shakes my finger and points to that car!
I was trying to take his picture, but he kept pointing out of the window.(Please understand that he calls me to see something for no apparent reason, and he says that the thing he saw was really funny...he did that a lot of times during the car ride, and nothing seemed funny to me... so I didn't bother about him when he shook me again...)
I tried to get a shot of what he was looking at(finally, lol). But couldn't catch it. Apparently, it was some old fat guy, who was balding, was driving a car... (refer to pic #04) He thought it was funny... D8
Omake shots~ :
He was standing like that the whole time~ XD
He waves bye bye~ (sorry for lousy shot, car and parents were not cooperating...)
And if you were wondering who Zack was, he is a stuff toy I bought from some foreign airport... I forgot where. Louis loves that stuff toy to death and hardly let goes of it... (he let it go during the car ride cause he was too excited. LOL)
Well, that's all for now~
Cheerio,
Jamie♥
My sanitywas here ... at 8:57 PM
Yetmadness took over 0 times again.
Yetmadness took over 0 times again.